January 12, 2019
"That sacred night, my heart suffered a mortal wound. Losing my son, who was a most tender gift, broke me in more ways than I have words to describe."
"What gift(s) can possibly come from such a loss? Surely there are none, one might think. I know nothing so cold and lonely as suffering the loss of a child. Yet, even in that hell, there are gifts and spiritual treasures to be found. Their discovery doesn’t come easily – which comes as no surprise. Nothing of any value in life or the universe comes easily; as with all things, the greater the value, the greater the price."
I have learned not to run from grief, as though it were my emotional enemy. Instead, it has become my tender teacher. I am a student of grief, and I’m learning new things every day. Grief, a gift? Yes, grief can give us the gift of a softened heart, a more empathetic soul, and can teach us the value of a moment – because, in the end, we’ll never have now again.
"Perhaps the greatest gift can be found in the very thing we’re most afraid of. Darkness. The moment I began to realize that it was often in emotional and spiritual darkness that I began to see little flecks of light if I allowed my spiritual eyes to adjust. Each point of light, a tender mercy, a gift from heaven that was always there, but I didn’t have the eyes to see them. Once I recognized those blessings and learned to connect the dots, I started to see I was never alone in the dark and that there is a greater work in progress. I have built a workshop around this very theme – to help people identify their own points of light. It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or gratitude, it’s a profound experience for both the individual and the group.
“I search for light in the darkness, for patterns that offer perspective and peace, and I practice an examined life.”“There is a kind of darkness one comes to know when they lose a child. And when you walk through that wilderness, you eventually come out the other side a different person. You change. Suddenly, the world is different. The pettiness of people and so much of what consumes society is both pedestrian and trivial. It’s like someone who knows only simple math is trying to tell you how to solve an abstract problem with theoretical physics. Suddenly, their level of understanding is elementary — and you are in graduate school, whether you’re ready or not.” "...we emerge a new kind of beautiful."
"The dark night of the soul always gives way to the brightness of the noonday light of the presence of God."
November 19, 2018
A Dark Night
of the Soul
by R. C. Sproul
The dark night of the soul. This phenomenon describes a malady that the greatest of Christians have suffered from time to time. It was the malady that provoked David to soak his pillow with tears. It was the malady that earned for Jeremiah the sobriquet, “The Weeping Prophet.” It was the malady that so afflicted Martin Luther that his melancholy threatened to destroy him. This is no ordinary fit of depression, but it is a depression that is linked to a crisis of faith, a crisis that comes when one senses the absence of God or gives rise to a feeling of abandonment by Him.
June 5, 2018
Notes: Possible Human,
Interview With Jean Houston
“Wounding is critical to every great myth. Christ must have his cross…”
“Most of us have somewhere between 5 to 100 times the amount of shear human experience of our ancestors of 100 years ago and this has rendered us very wounded.” “But we’ve become incredibly available and vulnerable to each other in our wounding, our sympathies, our empathies. Through the wounding of the outer shell of ego we are now reaching out, making connections, networking, friendships, transformational friendships between men and women, between countries, between cultures. So the depths are rising everywhere.”
“In all great stories wounding was the entrance to the sacred. It is through wounding that the depths could arise….at the same time as all the shadows.”
“Everyone is living in the state of divine discontent and extraordinary outreach to the larger story.”
We have this extraordinary interdependent world. And we have access to the understanding of human potential. We’re living in the golden age of who and what we can be. We have access to all the knowledge that has been accumulated in all the cultures throughout the history of humanity. And sufficient crisis and complexity, and radical need to make use of this knowledge.
We’re in a time in which literally all systems are in transition, everything has shaken down into chaos, everything is breaking down, governments, politics, economics, religions, relationships. We are probably in the greatest shaking up in human history. The world is too complex, who and what we are in human history, for traditional basics.
There is an incredible yearning for a pattern that makes sense. Each of the cultures have something unique to contribute to what it means to be human. There is a yearning to be who we can be. Myths are rising all over the world and applying this pattern is bringing out the potential in different areas of the culture like education, economics, health and their social systems.
We’re being given access, and more and more, to everybody’s story, to everybody’s myth. And there is a sense that we are all in this together in perhaps the greatest moment in human history when we are recreating earth’s story.
Notes: Why Story
Is Essential to
"Story is the juice that inspires our unfolding. Without story you would have no civilization, no morality, no inspiration. You wouldn’t have much of anything. When cultures lose their dominant stories, then tend to lose themselves. America is wandering around quite confused. When we look at the kinds of stories on television they may have a slight beginning, middle and end but the hero’s journey is not there. The depth of story is rarely there. The point of story is, I believe, one of the organic structures of the human psyche. In the thousands of research subjects that I have had I have found that everybody is filled with stories. When story closes down because of lack of interest or excess trauma or whatever, or when it becomes too narrow life itself narrows. Story is essential to our human becoming and our human health.
"The old story, what did it do? It told us who we were, where we came from, it justified our existence, it told us how to train our children, what to do with our criminals, the meaning of life and death. It didn’t make us necessarily better. But what it did do was it gave us an organized form in which to understand our lives. And then it died.
"It began dying in Europe in the 13th and 14th centuries with the horrible plagues wiped out 70 percent of the population of Europe. Suddenly everything was up for grabs. And everything shifted. The serfdom didn’t work. The castles were knocked down by the new cannons. People were lost. But with that lostness came the seeking of a new story.
"Every few hundred years we enter into phenomenal state of lostness which we are in now. And we try to fill it up with one thing or another. What is the big change in the history of our story? It's the rise of women all over the world to full partnership with men in the whole domaine of human affairs. Huge. And all over the world it's shifting everything."
December 15, 2017
Excerpt from 'A Dark Night of the Soul'
by Cassie Crow
A short excerpt along with a link to this excellent article is being featured in the blog.
"The dark night of the soul occurs in the times where we endure extreme hardships—the kind that shakes your core being, your beliefs, and your sense of identity. It’s the blockbuster movie moment when the superhero is in deep inner crisis and must summon extraordinary thinking to rise out of pain, fear, and doubt.
Abraham Lincoln wrote of his dark night, “If there’s a worse place than hell, I’m in it,” as he led the US through the Civil War while mourning the death of one his sons. Mahatma Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, Sojourner Truth, and many other leaders endured many a dark night.
It’s in this darkness that greatness is born. What made these leaders great was that they used the power of extraordinary thinking to not merely survive catastrophe but they reshaped their beliefs, rose to the occasion and created incredible results for themselves and others."
March 2, 2015
Feeling Cast Away
Carl Jung wrote that a person “must be alone if he is to find out what it is that supports him when he can no longer support himself. Only this experience can give him an indestructible foundation.”
The film Cast Away illustrates how I felt when in my 3-year long Dark Night of the Soul, with my sense of isolation, powerlessness, helplessness, disorientation and inability to have any sense of control. With a dash of paranoia thrown in.
At some point, the pain was so great, so acute, that I asked, either out-loud or in my head (I’m not sure which): “What is this place?” A voice answered (I haven’t heard voices in my head either before or since): “It’s your depths.” Something clicked in me. Wanting to live in and from my depths had always been my passion.
I got on board. I understood this process could be fruitful, productive, enriching — in ways that I couldn’t possibly imagine then, but came to fully know. And eventually came to be grateful for.
I read the book Loneliness by Clark Moustakas, which taught me that coming to terms with my aloneness and loneliness in the Dark Night was a noble task.
I used this quote from Eat Pray Love by Liz Gilbert as my mission statement: “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”
Here is a scene from the movie Cast Away :
The line: “Keep breathing. You never know what the tide will bring in” became my mantra.
~ Marla Estes
The School of the Examined Life
See also Marla Estes' article on this website, "Making the Unconscious Conscious: Embracing the Dark Night of the Soul"